I can't sleep...

... And these are some of the things I think about late at night.

Sometimes, I trip over things that only I can see. It's true. Also, the sidewalk will be unlevel only in the place I am walking, or that last step will disappear only when I am trying to step on it. In the past, I have jokingly explained away any gravitational mishaps that have befallen me with a shrugged explanation of "I am clumsy". You know, it is one of those things that if I bring out into the open the fact that I just tripped over that crack in the sidewalk, then we can all get a good laugh out of it and save my face some blushing. However, if I do not say something about, then I am robbing people of the joy of laughing at/with me because they may be too polite to laugh. It just sort of hangs there with everyone wanting to laugh, but they don't. Such occurrences can be awkward. Anyway, the thing is, I never really believed this about myself, the clumsiness that is. I do not know why, it must have been one of those delusional, self-denial things.

Today, my eyes were opened. I can finally admit it openly and without the need to use this admission as a cover-up for embarrassment, I AM Clumsy. Whew. Glad that is over with. What, you ask, led to this epiphany? Well, it may have been the fact that I just now tripped over my shoes, or it may have been the fact that someone added an extra step to the staircase today, or it could have been me thinking to myself, as the glass lid to my pot is twirling on the tile floor of my kitchen like a top, "I sure am glad that didn't break", deja-vu ( and this is the kind of deja-vu that is defined by a sense of dull familiarity.) After these three things happened to me today, it was like all the pieces of the puzzle started fitting together. I thought back to other events like the time I fell out of my chair just so I could put a hole in the floor. I recalled the countless times I have excused a near fall by saying that my legs must be tired from exercising earlier ( I still think this one might apply sometimes). Now, I feel free. I do not need to make excuses anymore. I can just say that I am clumsy.

I wonder though, what might have happened had I admitted this to myself earlier. Maybe I could have gotten professional help with this issue and reached my true potential. I might have been playing for the WNBA right now instead of sitting here at 1:30 in the AM!! writing this crap. Maybe I will start a support group, so other people suffering from this can know that they are not alone. Les, it is ok.

I can make fun of this because a) it is true, I am clumsy and b) I am training to be a counselor so I hear stuff like this. I would compare it to the whole, I can make fun of my family but you can't, sort of thing. Alright, enough. I am going to attempt to walk to my bed and get in it without falling or tripping or bumping into any of my mysteriously moving furniture. Good night.